A wee joke

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Re: A wee joke

Postby banjo » Mon Feb 20, 2017 7:42 pm

a guy goes into the butchers and asks for a pound of whats what.the butcher says hes never heard of it.guy comes in the next day and asks for a pound of whats what.butcher says he has no such thing.on the third day the guy walks in and points over the butcher and says whats that? the butcher replies whats what?the guy says good give us a pound.
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Re: A wee joke

Postby Doorstop » Thu Mar 09, 2017 9:49 pm

::):

One for the physics buffs:

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are heading back from the lab when they get pulled over by the cops.

The cop gets out and asks Heisenberg to roll his window down.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" asks the officer.

"No .. " says Heisenberg, "but I can tell you exactly where I am".

The cop struggles with this for a second before saying "sir, you were traveling at 65 in a 50 zone".

"Well, that's it!" proclaims Heisenberg in exasperation "Now I've no bloody idea where we are!!"

"Are you drunk?" says the policeman, "Open the boot!"

Heisenberg opens the boot and the cop shines his torch inside.

"Hey!! .. there's a dead cat in here!" the policeman yells in surprise.

Schrodinger shouts back, "Well now there fuckin' is!"
I like him ... He says "Okie Dokie!"
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Re: A wee joke

Postby Doorstop » Sun Mar 19, 2017 6:52 pm

Young gunslinger wannabe walks into the saloon and spies an old hand at the game sitting at the end of the bar.

He walks over to the gnarled and world weary looking slinger and says "Hey! Aren't you Quick Draw Cassidy?"

"Yeah, kid" replies the slinger "What do you want?"

The young buck says "A few hints and tips, if you don't mind. I plan on being the best, just like you were."

The slinger looks the buck up and down and says "That holster is tied too high on your thigh. Untie it, loosen the belt until the gun drops six inches and see how that feels."

The buck does as he's told and whips the gun out, lightning quick, and shoots the cigar out of the saloon piano players mouth.

"That's great!!" says the buck "Much faster .. anything else?"

The slinger looks at the muzzle of the gun and says "You hang slightly to the right when you draw. Bend the gunsight a bit to the left to compensate."

The buck bangs the gunsight on the edge of the bar until it's bent to one side slightly. He holsters the gun and, once again, pulls out lightning fast and shoots the hat off the piano player as he tickles the ivories.

"Wow.." he says "what a difference. Anything else?"

The slinger says pull that gun out and let me see your holster."

The buck obliges and the slingers says "If you cut a notch out of the back of the holster, that'll allow you to level the gun quicker"

The buck takes out his Bowie knife and cuts a deep groove in the back of the leather and replaces the gun before carrying out a near perfect quick draw and firing another round, this time smashing the piano players beer glass into a thousand glittering smithereens.

"I can't tell you what a help you've been.." says the buck "Do you have one last tip for me before I go earn my fame and fortune?"

"Yeah .. " says the grizzled slinger "Go into the kitchen and ask thenm to cover your gun in chicken fat".

"Why? .. " says the buck, "Will that make it slip out of the holster even faster?"

"Nope!" says the slinger "but when Wyatt Earpe has finished playing his tune he's gonna shove it up your arse."
I like him ... He says "Okie Dokie!"
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Re: A wee joke

Postby pingu » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:10 am

I'm addicted to watching bruce Willis movies, i just cant go a day without watching one,
but you know the old saying,

old habits pulp fiction.
toot toot
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